Quiet

So I had a quiet morning drafted several posts for my Spiritual blog. Then my peace and serenity went away. And I got angry. People keep invading my space to bitch and complain AT me. Ask for help without listening to me. And trying their hardest to destroy my day off. So I removed myself, sitting outside and hoping that they don't find me. And I'm trying to figure out, how I can use the chaos so that the people don't burn me out.

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 33. And just not happy with life. Wanted to work on my sci-fi story. But have no drive.

Think I'll smudge and reset up my Altare Musa, or Altar de Muse.

Know yourself

I'm a very descriptive writer, I enjoy using the senses to pull you into my characters mind. Conversation doesn't come so easy for me, as such that is usually the place I have to revisit over and over through the draft process. I think that reflects on my own personality as an Introvert.

I'm not shy, in fact I'm very open with almost everyone, but I only say about an eighth of what I am thinking, and I don't speak rashly, I am very deliberate in what I say. You see, I hate apologizing, and for me its easier to filter with the idea that I need to be sure about my words because I don't want to eat them later. But I know most people aren't like that. Most people aren't on that cusp of being a sociopath, which I readily admit that I am. Most people will let passion take flight and rage in ways that I can't. This need for control can be seen in my writing process. I think its fun to be able to see that much of who and what I am as I explain the way I work to other people.

These deficiencies in my own character are the same hurdles that I face in my writing, and the things I love most when reading the writing of other people. How about you?

Filtering Mental Noise

There are times when I just have a wealth of ideas, so many little bursts of inspiration that it sounds like a cacophony in my head. Its so overwhelming that the idea of putting anything on paper is simply unrealistic. That is what today is, I have spent a week in bed, sick and completely unproductive and today bubbling like the witches cauldron I have this marvelous jumble of images, people, places and ideas in my mind. Its like my brain has become Pinterest (Which is a great place to stow ideas by the way) and the only thing that I really want to do is write about it here on Summoning Genesis and share it with all of you, quiet though you may be, this blog has become part of my writing process.

This Cacophony is another kind of writers block, it takes away all logic and makes documenting the smallest thing feel overwhelming. Its an experience that a lot of college kids are used too. My advise, is that you create a macro, a plan or a template to work from on your own to handle these occasions and run with it.

With all the unrelated images urging me to write, very few of them fit together. So on my computer I have created a folder and labeled it "Tidbits" then I opened OneNote and started a Notebook called Word Vomit. I'm guessing you remember the post I wrote on the free write process, good.

I wrote until my brain switched gears, then I created a new page, and I started over. Trying to work through the noise until I had a singular voice isolated in the chorus.

A snippet for you:

So warm, so comfortable, soft... the sounds of elsewhere in the house echoed the morning routines, activity on the stairs, someone lost a ribbon. The smell tantalized her with a savory breakfast seduction making her stomach cramp and reality started clearing away the fog of warmth. Opening her eyes the twilight gloom from her window did little for the buttery yellow of the bedroom, the lace bed hangings like the cobwebs on her mind, parted as she sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

Hot Springs

Taking a long weekend with friends at the Lava Hot springs in Idaho. Its a trip for the besties birthday. Changing scenery can allow a seashift in our thoughts.

I felt out if my place, it was a very small town and felt like I stepped into the 40s. There was no internet and the sidewalks rolled up at 9pm.

The suite I was staying in made it easy to imagine a disgusted professional trying to get work done.

But I enjoyed my time there and can easily and joyfully admit that I got no writing done.

Word Vomit

Try capturing strong emotions, in general terms, use a free write. Some writers call this "Word Vomit" where you just pour out the words on paper. Try to avoid dropping names. Make it purely a descriptive.

Save these outbursts. Remember that artists thrive on emotion, and art in anything that evokes an emotion, no matter what that emotion is. If you have these scraps saved then you can come back to them for your writing even a year from now.

Its great for when random settings present themselves to you. When I drove from PA to Utah I saw foggy mountain passes, oppressive storms and drove through a spaghetti bowl of interstate bypasses in Wisconsin. If you can take a break, stop for gas and write everything down. You can use it later.

I make a practice of sending my self text messages or accessing One Note on my phone.

This makes things easier for me because I'm not a very emotional person. I have a tendency to be coldly analytical, I detach, and my honest puts people on edge. Lying people are comfortable with, they don't trust honest. So I am training myself to a path of "better left unsaid" and trying to save things like descriptive actions for my writing.

Inspiration from Dark Times

Its been a year and a half since the last time we chatted. And I know you are standing there tapping your foot, a narrow look on that pinched brow of yours. I owe you an explanation. I understand, but in the beginning of this venture I did make it clear that I am writing for me, not for anyone else. And I assure you, I have not stopped writing.

In August of 2013 I was just hitting the one year mark living and working in what to me became a prison. Living in Pennsylvania I felt like I was suffocating. The area had no magic, it was worn out and draining my resources, I was not emotionally in a place that allowed me to do much. I built my altar, I made every effort to change the energy around me in my daily life but I was upset and undervalued. When you feel that way it becomes difficult to value yourself, it makes it harder to draw on that well of energy. This caused some of the worst writers block I have ever had.

I wrote snippets of unproductive nonsense, I attempted to get back into roleplaying, even some wonderful erotic RP with some guys online that did manage to pull me back into my mental landscapes, hours on the phone with one of the most strangely caring and oddly comforting men (not the one I was involved with in RP). Helped me more than I can say. I managed to write about fourteen pages of plot-less fetishsist erotica, and a few pages of biographies and back stories for various characters. I was alright with that, because it got me writing. Then the holidays came, and I was doing more reading and working, working, working.

In the mix I worked on my families genealogy and took the odd weekend to enjoy some of the history that the NE has to offer. However, I still felt like I was stretched to thin. Summer came and went. I wasn't happy but I was starting to be functional, falling back on spirituality, I started a one year project in writing a Blog, that I have since completed and am using as a rough draft for a book that I will be listing on Amazon soon.

In that time, the week before thanksgiving my older brother back in Utah contacted me. Our father had a heart attack and was scheduled for triple heart bypass Thanksgiving day 2013. So I took a Leave of Absence for my job and flew across country, arriving shortly after they buttoned him back up. I was planning on staying until Dad got out of the hospital, which should have been two weeks, but he stroked while in recovery, he was in a vegetative waking coma until January. I attempted to get transferred back to Utah but they couldn't arrange it while I was still on leave. My last day as a Wireless Device Expert was February 28th 2014.

I am now back in Utah, and drawing heavily on those dark times to fuel my writing. I may not be writing very much, but I am again writing every day, when I'm not enjoying my position in Computing Services diagnosing Client issues with their every day technology (Since June 2014).